


What Wicked Webs We Weave

by MercuryWells



Series: An Alliterated Appellation Advertises Author's Artfully Articulated Adventures [1]
Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, M/M, also lets be real, in no universe does Gary Goodspeed know how to flirt properly, superhero!Avocato, supervillain!Gary Goodspeed, this is so stupid I love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22202854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryWells/pseuds/MercuryWells
Summary: Superhero Clawmaster (alter ego Avocato) is the only force stopping the supremely evil supervillain Doctor Evildeed (alter ego Gary Goodspeed). But maybe Clawmaster has misread the true intent behind Evildeed's nefarious plans?
Relationships: Avocato/Gary Goodspeed
Series: An Alliterated Appellation Advertises Author's Artfully Articulated Adventures [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601653
Comments: 14
Kudos: 83





	What Wicked Webs We Weave

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring some deliciously purple prose. Sometimes you just have to write something silly.

“Hahahahaha!” Doctor Evildeed laughed maniacally from atop his latest mechanized monstrosity. There were at least a dozen independently moving turrets. Giant treads adorned with menacing spikes ran underneath. An obligatory giant Jacob’s Ladder sat at the rear of the tank. Draped across the front was a flag featuring the frightful insignia of Evildeed.

“Now the world shall know my true genius!”

He fired a few warning shots to emphasize said genius. The citizens of Lightopia scattered in different directions before his brilliant invention. They were absolutely helpless to stop him. Triumph would be his this time!

“Stop right there, evildoer!” a familiar voice rang out from the street in front of him.

Evildeed looked down from his dastardly perch to see a familiar figure. Before him stood a male ventrexian wearing a criminally (ha!) tight fitting black spandex suit and a black and white mask. On the chest of the suit was a white image of the scales of justice underlined by three claw marks.

“Clawmaster!” Evildeed exclaimed dramatically, feigning surprise. “Who would have thought you would show up to try to foil my most exquisite plan!”

“Your nefarious scheme ends here!” Clawmaster shouted as he ran at the tank.

“You cannot hope to stop this handsome prodigy!” Evildeed gave his best evil genius pose complete with cocked hips, pouty lips, and half-lidded eyes.

“We’ll see about that!” Clawmaster yelled as he jumped into the air, doing a flip before landing on the front of the tank.

Evildeed rotated the turrets at the invading ventrexian and fired, but the masked hero was too fast for his mechanized terror. Clawmaster jumped and flipped from one spot to the next, avoiding turret fire as he planted several well-placed remotely detonated bombs on the vehicle before jumping away.

“Nooooooooooo! My most beautiful creation!” Evildeed wailed as Clawmaster pulled out a remote and pressed a large red button.

The tank went up in a massive explosion, but Evildeed was too clever to be taken out so easily. Clawmaster watched as the supervillain ejected a hundred feet into the air and then sailed away on a hand glider.

“Until next time my worthiest of rivals!” Doctor Evildeed’s voice trailed off into the distance.

Clawmaster was about to leave the scene when he noticed a piece of paper falling gently from where the villain had ejected. He deftly snatched it mid-air. Using his ventrexian powers of superior observation, he deduced that it was a schematic. On the other side of the paper were written a set of coordinates.

🕸️

Clawmaster surveyed the cylindrical room before him. In the center was a circular dais, atop which was placed a handheld device that intelligence suggested was related to Evildeed’s newest doomsday machine. He switched to infrared vision. Dozens of moving lasers appeared. Aw yeah, baby. Show time.

“Clawlexa, play Sabotage.”

One. Two. Three. Four. One. Two. Three. Four. Duck. Barrel roll. Land on one leg. Pivot to the other. Hold position. One. Two. Shuffle to the left. Slide forward on two knees with back arched low. Cartwheel forward, followed by one final backflip.

Clawmaster was standing directly before the destructive device. He reached forward and picked it up. Immediately the lasers disappeared as several bars shot up from the floor, trapping him inside a metal cage.

“They say that curiosity killed the cat,” Doctor Evildeed said smoothly from where he was leaning against an open doorway at the edge of the room. He sauntered up to the cage casual-as-you-please. “I must admit, I’m impressed you made it through my... defenses.”

Clawmaster raised a judgmental eyebrow at that. “Well your traps are terribly designed. Also, I _am_ pretty flexible.”

“Is that so? Care to show me just how flexible you are?” Evildeed asked as he ran a finger along one of the bars of the cage.

The ventrexian tried and failed to not blush as he growled low in his throat. “What is your plan? What does this thing do? Fire an orbital cannon? Create a black hole?”

The supervillain looked at the device dismissively. “Y’know? I never figured that out. I built the dang thing but never bothered testing it.”

“You don’t know?” Clawmaster said with disbelief.

“That’s right. So how about you hand it over to me and I let you go in one piece.”

The offer was tempting, but only just.

“No!” the ventrexian said forcefully.

“Have it your way,” Evildeed said lightly.

The floor opened up underneath Clawmaster and he was falling through a tunnel. It curved and led to the outside wall of Evildeed’s tower fortress. A well aimed grappling hook saved him from a two hundred foot fall. He climbed down the edge of the tower, vowing revenge against his ridiculous rival. At least he escaped with the device.

🕸️

Every supervillain at some point has to develop an epic monolog. In fact, competent monologuing is covered in Villainy 101. Doctor Evildeed was currently reciting his expertly constructed and rehearsed monolog to the bound Clawmaster aboard his dirigible fortress, the Crimson Dark. They were inside the bridge, surrounded by the villain’s S.A.M.E.S.

“... but don’t think you will escape so easily this time, do-gooder. We still have unfinished business to take care of. I owe you one for stealing a vital component of my doomsday device.”

“Doomsday device? Turns out it only summons piles of heart shaped candy with messages like ‘LUVR BOY’ and ‘BE MINE’.” The ventrexian blushed. That had been a mortifying moment back at the lab. The only crime had been that the candy didn’t even taste good.

“Is that so? Hmm, shame,” Evildeed said, not sounding disappointed at all.

“I know what your game is. You’re trying to distract me. You have me running around foiling nonsense plots while you develop your true masterplan. But you’ll never get away with it!” Clawmaster said with righteousness.

“Yes… my true masterplan...” Evildeed appeared almost wistful.

The sounds of explosions could be heard beyond the bridge. Foom! Foom! Foom! Growing closer every second.

“I assume this is your doing, Clawmaster,” the human accused, slipping back into overdramatic villain mode.

“I will never stop thwarting your plans, whatever they may be.”

Evildeed held a hand over his heart, “Oh? But I think not this one.”

“What do you mean?” the ventrexian said with narrowed eyes.

An explosion split the bridge wide open. Evildeed, Clawmaster, and a dozen S.A.M.E.S. plummeted toward the ground.

As Clawmaster fell he waited for his nemesis to make his escape. But Evildeed kept dropping. There was no sign he was going to end his plunge. Why wasn’t his rival making any move to save himself?

“Dangit!” Clawmaster reoriented himself into a vertical dive. He sped up and managed to reach Evildeed. He wrapped a belt around the both of them. After making sure the other was secured, he activated his parachute.

Clawmaster said nothing on the descent. He felt face heat up as he held Evildeed close to him. This was no good. No good at all. For his part, Evildeed said nothing either.

The two landed roughly in a tree. Clawmaster busied himself with cutting them down. He really needed to get out of this increasingly dangerous situation.

There was a SNAP! and they both fell to the ground. Clawmaster landed on top of his nemesis, his arms bracketing the other’s face.

Evildeed looked up at him. “Now I’ve finally got you where I want you,” he purred.

The ventrexian realized their faces were only inches apart. He had never seen Evildeed up close like this. Had he always been this handsome?

Clawmaster cleared his throat. “I think this means _I’ve_ won,” he said weakly. He finally had his criminal counterpart subdued. But something about locking the villain behind bars tugged uncomfortably at his heart.

“Are you sure about that?”

“What will it take for you to give up your crooked ways?” Clawmaster tried.

“I might be persuaded to end my dastardly pursuits…” Evildeed started.

“If?”

“If you agree to go on a date with me.”

“What?” the ventrexian’s face was burning.

“Go on a date with me and I will renounce my wicked deeds. Forever.”

The ventrexian stared at the human through his mask.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Well?” Evildeed goaded.

Clawmaster considered the human, then slowly lowered his face. “What’s happening?”

“I think,” Evildeed said, “We’re about to kiss.”

🕸️

Six months later

The coupling of Gary Goodspeed and Avocato caused quite a stir in the world of heroes and villains. The two had joined forces in the fight for justice. Together they were unstoppable, even defeating notorious supervillain Lord Commander.

It was at a party where Gary was recounting how they met that Avocato had a horrifying revelation.

“After all those attempts, I finally managed to pull off the crime of the century: stealing this guy’s heart,” Gary finished his retelling.

“Wait! You mean the whole time _all_ of your useless evil schemes were your attempts at flirting with me?”

Gary brought back his evilest of cackles at the dismay on Avocato’s face.


End file.
